How will AFC Wimbledon’s The Beast score in the manliest test in the universe?

ade-akinfenwa-bloke-test-thumb
01 Have you fired a gun?
I fired a 9mm Beretta and an AK-47 at an Atlanta gun range. The girl I was with beat me, but I still held my own. I could get used to a Grand Theft Auto kind of lifestyle.
Bloke
02 Do you own any coloured jeans?
I’ve got maroon, beige and white, but I’d never wear red or yellow. They’re both huge no-nos.
Bloke
03 Have you ever put your penis through your legs and pretended to 
be a girl?
Yeah, of course, in my younger days.
Bloke
04 What’s your favourite smell in the world?
Nando’s, all the way. And before you ask: half a medium chicken, chips, corn on the cob and three wings, thanks very much.
Bloke
05 What’s the most masculine thing you’ve ever done?
I saw four or five guys bullying some dude who was by himself on a night out. I stepped in and they backed down immediately. I felt like a black Batman, swooping in to save the weak and needy.
Bloke
06 What’s the biggest thing you’ve set on fire?
A pair of trainers. I stepped in some dog shit, and I just thought it was easier to set them alight.
Bloke
07 Have you ever gone on a date using a voucher?
I used a Groupon voucher once. This girl rolled her eyes when she found out, but she wasn’t rolling her eyes when she stepped into my BMW afterwards.
Bloke
08 Have you ever had a spectacularly successful session of DIY?
Yes, my little girl’s Barbie house. I properly messed it up, but I’m still proud
 of it. The missus was calling for me to come to bed, but I was up until the early hours building. Once I’ve started something,
 I need to finish it.
Bloke
09 Have you ever rescued an animal?
A hedgehog and a group of ducks were trying to cross the road in zinging traffic, so I stopped to let them. There was honking noises from the cars behind… until they saw the size of me.
Bloke
10 Have you ever thrown a punch and missed?
It was just over a year ago, and I missed badly. I went for a Haymaker, but the guy saw it coming from last week.
Not-Bloke
11 Have you ever been fraped or have you fraped someone?
I’m constantly doing it to my brother, but he never gives it back too much because I’d whoop his arse. He likes to tell the world that I’m off to ballet class, that sort of thing.
Bloke
12 Have you ever let a girl put make-up on you?
The first time I was being done-up for TV it was a bit problematic, but now I’m used to it. I don’t know if that’s a good thing – a couple of times on a night out I’m left thinking, “Maybe I need a bit of that stuff they used on the TV.”
Bloke
13 How do you behave when at a barbecue?
I’m the entertainment. Or usually the one carrying the coal or drinks – I’m that guy. I’ll move that to there, and that over here. I move stuff. I’m helpful.
Bloke
14 Have you ever killed and eaten something
 (not including fish)?
My dad’s a Muslim, and 
at Eid you have to kill
 a goat. It was in Nigeria, and I used one of those big blades to slit its neck. It was disgusting, I’m telling you.
Bloke
15 What’s the biggest sandwich you’ve made?
Big. Real big. Here’s how you make it, in very strict order: bread, ham, chicken, butter, cheese, bread – and then the 
same again. Then you stack it on top.
Bloke

14/15Beast by name, bloke by nature. A high-five to you Ade, and one question: where do you even buy beige jeans?