Whether you’re a multi-platinum superstar like Hova or a blinged-up newcomer like A$AP Rocky, one thing’s for sure: rap stars don’t make videos by halves. Here are six things that every self-respecting rap video should have:
01 A cool ‘driving with your mates’ scene
Usually with the top down in front of a beach, in a car that can bounce or pulling up to a club in a Humvee borrowed from an Arnie movie. Nothing says carefree badass quite like it.
One friend that’s enthusiastic about everything, the perfect wingman that follows you around bigging up everything and emphasising all of your best jokes with a great big holler. Everyone should have their own hype-man, not just rappers. The perfect example of the best best mate, to keep your chin up when you’re down and tell you that you’re THE man.
Generally, rap videos fall into two categories – party videos and hard-hitting narratives about growing up in the school of hard knocks. The former will usually have a comedic intro scene and the latter will involve a chase of some description and shouting (possibly at a wall) at varied points. Prime example is "My Life" by 50 Cent, which features Eminem both shouting and running away from a helicopter.
04 An ‘off the hook’ house party
If you had a house party, it would invariably consist of you and your mates stepping over spilled bottles of Stella to negotiate a giant bathroom queue whilst praying that nobody urinates in the living room. Rap parties on the other hand give you free reign of a mansion, a live DJ and hundreds of enthusiastic models drinking gin and juice from red cups. Now that’s a house party.
05 Overly airbrushed everything
There’s a prerequisite in rap videos that everything should always look better than it actually is. From things that are genuinely awesome, like strikingly blue swimming pools, to mundane things like ice-cubes in drinks. Everything should always have an extra level of shine that raises it several notches above everything else in real life. In the world of rap, everything is amazing. No exceptions.
06 Ridiculously good dancing
Sure, most great rap videos aren’t without their embarrassing moves but there’s always one guy or gal that will save the day. Starting off with a death-defying flip of some sort and segueing into a robot routine that would make The Terminator blush. Bonus points can be gained if the dancer in question is a shockingly talented child that’s cooler than anyone you’ve ever met your own age.
In this month's FHM, World's Most Versatile Rapper Ludacris takes the FHM Bloke Test. How did he fare? Buy the issue now to find out!