We thought the army was pretty impressive before – all that going abroad, being brave, fighting for your country stuff – but that was before we saw what they could do with motorbikes. This is pretty astonishing.
The British Military Tournament took place last week at Earl's Court London. We didn't even know that was a thing that existed – the tournament, we mean, not Earl's Court. We totally knew about Earl's Court. But apparently the British Military Tournament is an excuse for fighting men and women to show off their parading skills to the fullest, which is pretty neat.
'Sir! The terrorists have holed up in a sewer! Our only point of insertion is a manhole on a busy intersection. What are we going to do?' 'Get me... the ROYAL SIGNALS.' *music*
The Americans turned up with a troupe and did some fannying about with old-fashioned rifles, as is their want – apparently you just can't spin new-fangled assault carbines in the right way – and then the White Helmets, a group from the Royal corps of Signals, rocked up on their motorcycles, and did... well, they did everything.
'Sir! The terrorists are approaching from behind, but we need to keep moving forwards! How are we to engage them?' 'Get me... the ROYAL SIGNALS.' *music*
We're not sure what military use forming a giant motorcycle pyramid has – maybe if you want to use the element of surprise on approaching Taliban insurgents, and you're a bit short on motorcycles – but we really don't care. This is awesome. This pretty much constitutes a valid investment of our taxes, we reckon.
'Sir, we... I have no idea what's going on here. I don't know how this could be used at all. Should I-' 'Get me... the ROYAL SIGNALS.' *music*
Plus – and this is a big plus – when we looked up what the Royal Signals do, we found out that they're in charge of IT for the army. These guys fix the computers. They're not crack motorcycle troops, or daredevil engineers; they make sure that important emails concerning troop movements get through to the right people, and they do this shit on their day off. How badass are the IT guys where you work? Unless you count Call of Duty, we're betting they don't even come close to this.