The BRIT Awards: An annual showcase of fine musical talent full of boozing, singing, dancing and occasionally the odd bit of fisticuffs. Generally, it's a pretty good bloody doo, but we can't help think that it'd be slightly improved if a little more time was spent dishing out trophies and chocolate bars for some of these awards...

From stupid hats to amazingly sexy videos, we give you a round-up of who'd be winning at tonight's BRIT Awards if FHM were running the show...

Ridiculous Hat Award


Best Accidental Internet Sensation

James Blunt


Most Distracting Quiff

Alex Turner

Best Cult

  One Direction 

Best sporting montage soundtrack


Best Album That Was Nominated Despite The Fact That The Vast Majority Of The British Music Buying Public Probably Didn’t Buy It

  David Bowie

British Female Artist That Makes Us Want To Give Her A Cuddle (normal or sexy)

Laura Marling

Laura Marling

Most Awkward and Uncomfortable Moment Shared With a Public Figure 

Tinie Tempah

Most Spasm-Inducing Video of The Year So Far

Shakira and Rihanna - Can't Remember To Forget You

The Tinchy Stryder Award For Services To Surprisingly Little People

Bruno Mars 5'4"

Most Likely To Be Mistakenly Given Katy Perry's Award



The 'Nic Cage' Award for Looking The Same For The Whole Of Your Life And Dodging The Effects Of Time Hold On You're Definitely A Vampire