Maybe you have been lusting after a girl from a different social circle for years, or you just want to add some more pick-up tips to your repetoire. Either way, our Haynes manual for hotties can help, and it continues with the plummy brigade.

Where to find one

The Toff (see also ‘Raa’ and anyone called Lucretia) has a few natural habitats. These include any art history or sports science courses at Newcastle, Bath, Exeter or Durham universities. Also see chalets in Val d’Isère, west London gastropubs, polo meets and punts.

Excel at life

You have a much higher chance of scoring with one of these girls if you’re at the top of your game. Rugby, hockey, lacrosse, even surfing will all put you in good stead as long as you’re the best. These girls idolise their fathers who’ll be the biggest swinging dicks around, so you have to be the übermensch of success.

Get the look

What you’re aiming for is ‘young Ben Fogle’, all bounding energy, gormless enthusiasm and expensive polo shirts. If you and your pals go to the beach for instance, you need to be the one romping into the sea like a labrador after a long car journey, before retiring with your beaded necklace and jeans/flip-flops combo.

How to spot one

Long, dirty blonde hair flicked over to one side or held in place with an oversized pair of aviators. Billowy top, Jack Wills hoodie or rugby top teamed with denim cut-offs, Uggs or flip-flops and toe ring. Sense of entitlement.

Get an in…

Toffs, by their very nature, are elitist and will only spend time among their peers. As such you have to have a reason to be there. You can’t just pop your collar and rock up in Rock. Have a story ready. That you were kicked out of Eton for selling ‘a bit of puff, but nothing heavy’ and have been travelling ever since, isn’t a bad start.

Think you know a better way of pulling a toff? Let me know on Twitter @cmedland

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