Pole dancing and Jesus? Why, they’re two great tastes that taste great together!

Fox News have reported that ex-stripper Crystal Deans of Houston, TX has decided to unite her two loves –pole dancing and the all-welcoming arms of her lord Jesus Christ. Crystal “isn’t teaching women to be strippers,” she claims, and just wants them to be fit and healthy. If that’s the case, we’re not sure that spinning around a pole and wearing high heels is the best solution. There’s gyms and things in Texas, surely?

She’s taken criticism from various church groups, and fair enough – although it’s not like the bible is as pure and chaste as they’d like you to think.

In Genesis 19, the “just and righteous” Lot and his two daughters high-tail it up to a cave, get thoroughly pissed on wine, then engage in an epic father-daughter three way that results in both daughters ending up pregnant. Must have been some pretty good wine.

Leviticus had detailed instructions of what you’re supposed to do if you manage to sleep with both your girlfriend and her mum at the same time. Unfortunately, it’s not some sort of celebratory cake and the three of you should be burned to death in accordance with God, who is a bit of a spoilsport really.

And that King Solomon bloke, the wise one who determined which woman was the actual mother of a child by ordering it to be cut in two? You know him? Yeah, he had seven hundred wives. And three hundred concubines. King Solomon got game.

That’s just the first few books of the Old Testament, and we’re damned if we’re going to read any more of it. But you get the gist – the bible is so rife with sex that if it weren’t all dressed up in language like “he lay unto her” they’d probably ban kids from reading it.