Bad news, Mankind, Rachel Weisz has been hitched! You might have heard...

Quite unexpectedly too we might add. Who’s the lucky man then? Why it’s Bond, James Bond. He always gets the girls and stuff, so we’re not surprised. Ok, so James Bond isn’t real (we don’t think) – but Daniel Craig is. And he’s a cool dude, so collectively we’re all going to have to let him off the fact that he’s taken the slightest hope of a dinner date with Rachel away. Fuck's sake, Daniel...

So, what happened then? We’re not really sure. The marriage went down in true Bond fashion, a clandestine operation with no warning and no media coverage. Consequentially no wedding pictures. Yeah, we could just Photoshop their heads onto a more generic wedding couple, but we’ve tried this sort of thing before and you always seem to catch us out with those beady x-ray eyes of yours…

We also wonder why it was done so quickly without warning. Could it have something to do with the fact both of them hate parties and publicity, the same way that you hate mosquitos with lemon juice in their proboscises? (Yeah, you bloody hate that and so do we).

Anyway the couple wed in New York with apparently only four attendees. These guests being Daniel's daughter Ella, 18, Weisz's son Henry, 4, and two friends. Sneaky.

Rachel Weisz in a grey dress
No more optimistic thoughts about dinner dates :(

Rachel met Craig on the set of Dream House, due to be released later this year.
The film is about a family who learns about the murder of former residents of their nice new house. Hopefully this isn’t the case with wherever they move next, but if it is, someone could always make an awesome reality TV show about it. They could call it “Rachel and Daniel’s Murderous New House” – it’d be awesome and we’d watch it like a hawk, yo.