Real Madrid are pretty good at football. So good in fact that they can beat almost 10 times their number in Chinese children at the beautiful game. And they do - these Chinese children don't have a bloody chance.

That's the thing about any conflict scenario with China, there's always gonna be 10 to 1 numbers, so we're gonna have to deploy our best footballers. But why the shit are Real Madrid playing legions of Chinese children, shouldn't they be out winning the premiership or something?