The star of Friday Night Dinner might be a top funnyman but will his take on The Bloke Test make him more of a laughing stock?
01 What is the biggest thing you’ve ever set fire to?
I was going to go with “the world of comedy”, but I can’t really say that. I’ve set a match on fire, but that’s about it.
02 Have you ever taken a girl on a date using a voucher or discount code?
Not during the initial courting process. Eighteen months down the line, I’ll happily use one. I’ve got no shame about that.
03 Do you own any coloured jeans?
I have one pair of white jeans with a picture of a skull on the back and I have no idea why I purchased them. I only wear them to disgusting warehouse raves once every year.
04 Have you ever shaved part of your body other than your face?
When I first developed pubic hair, I did shave it as an experiment to see if it grew back. I didn’t have much to do as a teenager.
05 Have you ever had a spectacularly successful session of DIY?
I’ve never attempted DIY. I do not do anything myself. My mum does everything. If any cabinets or anything need putting up, Mum will do it or I’ll just pay a man.
06 Have you ever spent a significant amount of time talking to an animal?
It’s fine to make faces at them because they can understand faces. As soon as you starting using English, you’re just an idiot and I’ve got no time for you.
07 Have you ever thrown a punch and missed?
I’ve never thrown a punch, but when I played football I did incite many a punch. I’d always pull someone’s hair at a corner and they’d get angry.
08 Have you ever put your penis through your legs and pretended to be a girl?
I can’t remember doing that but I will say, almost definitely, yes. That is the sort of thing that I will have done. I can’t remember a time but that must have happened.
09 Have you ever fired a gun?
I’ve done clay pigeon shooting back in Berkshire, where I grew up. I did a bit at school as well, the thing with the targets. I’ve also shot a paintball gun and a glue gun. I’ve done loads of guns.
10 How do you behave at barbecues?
Don’t let me cook anything. I might pick up the paper plates and regale the guests with anecdotes, but I won’t do any manual labour.
11 Have you ever killed and then eaten something (not including fish)?
I killed a goat and ate it in Mongolia. Cutting its throat wasn’t nice, but then we ate it and it was lovely, except I got given the liver or some shit. Cheers, Mongolians.
12 What sort of manly nicknames have you had in your life?
My footballing alter ego is called Explosenthal, but my actual nickname is Rosie, because of my surname.
13 Have you ever made growling noises at yourself in the mirror?
Occasionally I’ll lift weights in the mirror. During the last couple of reps, I’ll shout like some kind of hulk. For about five seconds, I feel like a man.
14 Have you ever eaten a raw egg?
Only because I’m really bad at cooking. I started dipping my soldiers into ?it and realised, “Yeah, that is cold egg.” So, it was out of culinary naivety rather than choice.
15 Have you ever screamed like a girl during a film?
I don’t make noises in cinemas. I don’t really understand people who do. But once, in The Final Destination 3D, there’s one bit where someone gets impaled on a boat’s mast. I was so scared that I threw my popcorn about three rows back.
Oh, that’s not panned out too well for you, has it, Tom. You’re a mere 46.6% bloke. In at last place for you, Rosie!
See Tom in new comedy Plebs on ITV2.
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