If we got any more excited about Assassin's Creed 3 (announced today, see the video above), we'd probably have to go change our trousers. Here's why:
Tomahawks! Hidden blades? Fine. Swords? Whatever. Poison Dart Launchers? YAWN. The Assassin in this game (no name revealed as yet, but we're rooting for Tonto McAmerica) has a honking great tomahawk which is also a deadly-sharp Assassin symbol. That's genius. That's batarang-level genius.
Trees! Remember in, oh, any of the previous AC games? When you'd go anywhere near a tree, and Altair/Ezio would throw his hands up and look confused as though you'd just asked him for help with your tax return, and refuse to climb it or indeed have anything to do with it? Well NO MORE. Tonto McAmerica climbs them like nobody's business, in exciting free-running sections.
Wolves! How do we interact with the wolves? Do we fight them? Hide from them? Control them and stick them on our enemies, and send them on a variety of increasingly complex missions all across the 13 colonies? Blend into their packs and slip past enemy defences as 'just a harmless pack of wolves, guv'nor?' We hope it's the last one.
Bows! And, on an entirely related note, arrows! Bows have the capacity for ludicrous amounts of daft ammunition types (i.e. arrows that turn into piles of moss from Thief) and it wouldn't be an Assassin's Creed game if it didn't have stupid things you can shoot at people, would it? We're hoping for bleeding arrows that do ongoing damage, flame arrows that set people alight, and some sort of barbed thing which stops people from running away. Although, knowing Ubisoft, they'll probably make it explode in a shower of golden coins and refurbish nearby boutiques.
Snow! Can we hide in the snow, like at the start of Enemy At The Gates? Can we burst out from hiding and shank some guy? Can we get an upgrade that lets us hurriedly build a snowman, then as a British soldier comes over to investigate, we burst out of it and stab him in the eye? We don't know. Probably not the last one though.
War! Fights are exciting but lots of fights put together is known as WAR and that's what's happening right here. Of course whenever Assassin's Creed has tried to do mass fights in the past they've ended up stodgier than a porridge sandwich but let's gloss over that; maybe they can come up with some way to fix it. Like giving us specific objectives to turn the tide of battle, or some sort of helicopter gunship. One or the other.
British! Finally, the Brits make a proper showing in the AC series past Danny Wallace's overly snide historian character – although, well, you will be cutting them up a treat. Looks like we've been relegated to our standard roles as either a) weak and effete nancy-boys with thin moustaches who fuss and complain that there isn't any tea (Independence Day) or b) scurrilous dickbags who'd sell our own grandma for a pint (Hudson Hawk) – at least we're allied with the Templars, though. The Templars are kind of awesome, even if they are evil.
Countryside! One thing that revolutionary America has plenty of is countryside, and this game sees to take place in it. Well. Partly in it. Presumably some of it's going to have to take place in Gangs of New York-style New York, because an Assassin's Creed game without tall buildings is like a Spiderman game set on the Isle of White – but, from what we're perhaps incorrectly extrapolating here, a fair whack of the game is going to involve running around the woods and disrupting enemy patrols/supply lines/outposts/kidneys.
Horses! We miss horses – we used to ride them full pelt into Jerusalem gate and bounce off at the last minute, which is the old-fashioned equivalent of a ram raid, we think. Anyway, horses are back. We hope that you get a few more tricks on dobbin this time around, like advanced combat techniques, riding up stairs, or dressage.
Guns! Look at that – Tonto shoots a man in the face with the man's own gun. Fuck yeah. Didn't even bother to draw one of his two guns, or his bow. He was all like 'Guess you're not using that buddy' and then POW, right in the kisser. We've going to tie this into a vain hope for more kill moves and executions, because we love kill moves more than our families.
AS you can see in the trailer, Assassin's Creed 3 will be released for PC, PS3, and Xbox 360 on October 31