Brad Pickett is a world-class MMA fighter. FHM is a handful of doughy journalists. We fought each other. Predictably, we lost.
This is what the game looks like, and a spookily accurate rendition of our washboard abs
It's fine, though, because it was all in make-pretend land thanks to UFC Undisputed 3, the latest title in the series of sweaty man-violence simulators. If you're looking for a way to replicate the sensation of taking part in brutal unarmed combat on a professional level, but don't want to run the risk of breaking your nose or having blood pour out of your face, then this is literally the best way to replicate that.
We're not kidding. It's almost entirely risk-free, unless you count the rather slim odds of tripping over a controller cable (and who uses them anymore, eh? Losers, that's who) or having your cat leap on you and claw your face off after it got excited by all the on-screen violence.
This is what Brad does for a living
Anyway, we spoke to Brad after the fight for the best part of an hour, because it turns out that he's a lovely bloke and we're both massive nerds – except he's a massive nerd AND punches people unconscious for a living like it ain't no thing.
So without further ado, the best five Things You Didn't Know About Brad Pickett:
1) He used to play Warhammer 40,000 competitively (he does everything competitively, to be fair, it kind of comes with the job), taking control of Imperial Fists Space Marines, because they're yellow and his favourite colour is yellow. He also wrote his own adventures for Games Workshop boardgame Talisman.
2) He's a massive World of Warcraft player, and his current main character is an orc called Crimson Death – he's spent over 200 days play time in Azeroth. Below is a picture of Crimson Death that he sent us after the interview:
You might laugh, but Crimson Death's owner could punch you so hard your nose would come off
3. His first computer was a Sinclair 48K with a separate tape deck – it took five minutes for a game to load, apparently. He later moved on through Atari, Commodore, Amiga - “you name it, I had it.” He rates Streets of Rage and Double Dragon among his favourite games on console, and Age of Empires and Sim City on PC.
4. He “really optimised” his character in Skyrim, going an Archer/Enchanter route, to the point where he has “two enchants on all his equipment” and making him “untouchable.”
5. He gets frustrated when his friends don't want to hear about his carefully-developed characters in RPGs. He prefers MMOs because he can "show off."
UFC Undisputed 3 is out now on PS3 and Xbox 360