Little can match the unbridled pleasure of clocking off on a Friday with a clear weekend ahead of you, and spending it all baked off your face playing N64. "Fuck you, daylight. Who needs you? Plants, that's who. Stupid plants. Mmm, lovely planty plants."
So, to celebrate 420 day, we’ve compiled a list of the ten greatest games to play when you’re high.
As with any list of this nature, everyone's will have different memories and emotions and DNA and shit, so it’s highly likely that you’ll disagree with at least some of our choices and think, “Fucking idiots at FHM, those fucking idiots don’t know anything.” Some of you will leave snarky comments at the bottom of the page under names like ‘AstroSexWolf31’, and a select few of you will be so incensed you’ll send us a grammatical murder of an email tirade and say you’re available for work at the end.
Well GOOD. We’re fine with this. We value your opinion; it holds as much value as anyone else’s. And if you say mean things that make us sad, we’ll just roll another joint and take succour from Sackboy.
When you're stoned, the last thing you need is checkpoints, multiple objectives, limited ammo and zombies trying to eat your face. You just need to skate, man. There's no real mission; you just skate, fall off, pass over the controller - it's simple and it works.
Metal Gear Solid
This might seem like a strange choice - after all, Metal Gear Solid can be a complex beast - but a beautifully serene sense of tranquility can be found in the unlikeliest of places.
Laying in the tall grass; peeking out of a bin; wedged in a locker room, even, for hours on end, as trained killers stalk past within yards of ending your life, is the stoner's version of standing on the front of the Titanic and screaming "I'm the king of the SNESSSSSS!".
When you're high, the number ten is not your friend. It's too high. When you order a pizza, you don't want to be specifying ten individual toppings; you want a predetermined monster with a name like 'Meat-ageddon' or 'Gutwedger'. Similarly, if you're having a stoned game of b-ball, you don't want ten lanky athletes filling your vision. Two-on-two is plenty. Plus, few sporting moments can match the pleasure of hearing "HE'S ON FIRE!" as you inadvertently perform a triple-somersault-power-slamma-jamma-dunk while absentmindedly trying to scrape a bit of ham off your controller.
Similarly to Skate, there's no objective - at least not one that need trouble you - and here you've got the added benefit of a glorious snow-caked mountain stretching out in front of you. Also, by the time you've made it to the bottom, having stopped off to stare at a tree that reminds you of a frog your merciless science teacher made you carve to pieces in Year 7, you'll have forgotten what the top of the mountain was like, which means you will literally never grow tired of this - it's an infinite ride of snow and enlightenment.
Nothing will chew through weekends quicker than four mates, an unsuitably small telly, a cube of gear big enough to warrant its own chair and a blocky Oddjob crouching in front of you, oblivious to your presence.
Nintendo struck gold with the N64 joypad; it fits into your gentle grip like the hand of a loving parent and the big, bright buttons seem to whisper the perfect instructions to you, guiding you to hazy deathmatch glory like a sturdy plastic Angel Gabriel.
Grand Theft Auto
Aside from providing the perfect smoking soundtrack, there's a strange pleasure to be had in playing GTA and trying to abide by every single law. It's like you're fucking the system, by sticking to the system. That's some fourth wall shit, and if it doesn't make sense to you, you just haven't smoked enough.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
In the same way that South Park and Next Friday aren't at their best when you're sober, you can only fully appreciate the genius of Conker's graphic violence, unhealthily oversexed animals, borderline racism, unrelenting swearbombs and toilet humour until you're comprehensively cooked.
Little Big Planet
You have all your best thoughts when you're high. Thoughts that would change the world; thoughts that would end human suffering; thoughts that would explain to your sober self in the morning why there's a banana with an elephant's face on it in the washing machine. With LBP, you can create the world as you see fit, and then let Sackboy - a guy with just four emotions (because who needs more than that?) - run riot through it.
Just look at the scenery. LOOK AT IT. You need never face the outside world again.
You're not nerdy gamers. You're just a few guys, chilling out, having a jam, smoking a few joints - yes, that's right, you're basically Pink Floyd.