SSX is a game about snowboarding, so who better to interview about it than hip young English snowboarding types Scott Penman (24-year old SSX ambassador and general top bloke) and Calum Paton (scruffy 17-year-old World Record Breaker)? Well, the dev team, maybe. But we couldn't get the dev team, so we spoke to these guys instead.
FUN FACT: Calum Paton (above, winning a giant cheque for being good at snowboarding) used to be a massive fan of the Harry Potter series, but has since given up reading
By the way, do you like snowboarding or SSX? If you do, this interview might be a bit of a let down because we just droned on about spurious bollocks for twenty minutes and then did some bad drawings, and didn't really discuss snowboarding OR SSX.
If you want a preview of the game, here you are – it's rather good. You go fast and jump off things, and it's easy to look cool playing it without necessarily knowing what you're doing. Anyway. Moving on, here are the highlights of those twenty minutes:
FUN FACT: Scott Penman (above, right, no idea who that other guy is) claims to have been to platform 9 & ¾ at King's Cross and seen “Dumbledore walk out pissed, shaking and scratching his arms”
FHM: So, hello. Let's get the boring bit out of the way first: who are you both, and what do you do?
Scott Penman: I'm Scott Penman, and in the winter I like to go snowboarding. A lot. As much as possible. I do competitions and stuff – just try and have fun with it and make some edits [this is, apparently, snowboarding lingo for “films”], there's lots of travelling and lots of messing about.
Calum Paton: I'm Calum Paton – I just broke the world record for the longest rail grind on a snowboard, which was 78.7 metres.
FUN FACT: Scott Penman used to get his mum to paint Warhammer models for him, because he wasn't good enough and he wanted to have the "coolest" models. He lied and said that he did them himself if anyone asked
“I JUST WANT TO KILL PEOPLE”
Scott: Games like Call of Duty are too violent. They're like, conditioning people so that they they it's okay to kill people.
FHM: So what would you rather see?
Scott: Snowboarding! And skateboarding, stuff like that. Or games where you have to hug people, give them money, stuff like that. Nice things.
FHM: Sounds lovely. Calum, do you agree?
Calum: Well, it's not that serious, no.
Scott: You want violence, yeah? Blood and guts?
Calum: Yeah, I just want to kill people.
FUN FACT: Scott Penman has an abnormally large mouth. Amongst the things he can fit in it are the wide end of a pint glass, and an entire iPhone (sideways). He even did a drawing for us of him doing just that, because we asked him nicely
“LIKE A HARRIER JET MADE OF BICEPS”
FHM: What's the best energy drink on the market?
Calum: Rockstar, I think.
FHM: Don't you find that there's too much in one of those cans? Opening one of those things is like signing a contract.
Calum: No, well, you don't drink it all in one go. You'd leave it wedged in the snow at the bottom of a hill, and take a drink when you finished each run. You know, drink some, snowboard a bit, drink some more, snowboard a bit more. You space it out.
FHM: Like a fine wine.
Scott: I like Powerthirst. It's like a Harrier Jet made of biceps.
FHM: Does that even exist?
FUN FACT: When asked for a FUN FACT about himself, Calum Paton couldn't come up with anything and even refused our offer to take a picture of him trying to fit items in his mouth. Here's a drawing he did of himself breaking the world record snowboard rail grind, though
FHM: What's your favourite item of clothing that's warm?
Scott: Socks. All about the socks. If your socks are faulty, you're a goner.
FHM: Any colour in particular?
Scott: Um... odd. Odd socks.
FHM: Fair. Who has time to match their socks, anyway? Psychopaths. That's who. Calum, do you wear matching socks?
FUN FACT: Calum Paton's favourite swear word is “Douchebag,” although he initially claimed that he didn't swear at all. Calum Paton is a terrible liar
FHM: What's the best means of getting downhill, aside from snowboarding?
Calum: Tea tray.
Scott: What's that one where they run down after cheese? Cheese rolling. They just throw a cheese down a hill and then mack after it. That's the best.
“DARTH VADER'S LOVELY”
Scott: I bet Darth Vader's lovely, under that suit. You know? Like, when he takes it off, he's got one of those Primark onesies on.
FUN FACT: Scott Penman's favourite swear word is "jobby," which he uses to confuse Americans
“FUCK BABY JESUS”
FHM: What's the best food at Christmas?
Scott: Those little sausage things, with bacon on. Pigs in blankets.
FHM: Why's that?
Scott: Why? What do you mean? How much better can you make pork except by adding more pork?
FHM: Okay. Are sprouts good to eat?
Calum: No, no. No no no.
Scott: No. I've done one in my entire life.
FHM: But you have to eat at least three every Christmas, or you make Baby Jesus cry. Are you alright with making Baby Jesus cry?
Scott: Yeah, fuck him.
SSX is set for release in 2012 on PS3 and Xbox 360