Meet our expert panel
Emily Hartridge: TV presenter and vlogger whose most popular video, 10 Reasons Why Boobs Are Awesome, has netted four million-plus videos. Check her out at emilyhartridge.co.uk and follow her on Twitter.
Daniel Sloss: Ever-frisky funny man who insists (angrily) on being part of any FHM feature that has the slightest thing to do with sex. Visit danielsloss.com.
Girl On The Net: Anonymous sex blogger behind the site that’ll give you both a boner and an insight into your girlfriend’s fantasies, girlonthenet.com. Get her filthy book, My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets, from all good digital bookshops.
01 Your pants
“It’s a bit skater boy, but I really like it when you can see some of a bloke’s boxers above their jeans,” says Emily. “Bums are great.”
02 And you in her pants
Women (well, some women) get all sorts of excited about the idea of you wearing her undies. “If I were to leave my knickers at his house and he then put them on, got a boner and took a picture, that’s hot,” says Girl On The Net. “Tightness on an erection is sexy – tight jeans bulging is always a turn on. Plus I like the fact he’s horny because they’re mine and smell like me. It’s not a cross-dressing thing.”
Daniel isn’t quite on board yet: “I’ve only ever worn them to annoy my female flatmate.”
03 Waking her up for sex
Like her own personal alarm clock, girls love a spontaneous morning shag, instigated by you. “If a guy wakes me up and initiates sex, that’s really hot,” says GoTN.
Emily’s a fan too. “Absolutely. It turns a lot of girls on.”
04 Other people doing it
“Listening to other people shag should feel super-hot, but whenever I’ve had to listen to it, it just makes me sad that I’m not having sex myself,” says GoTN. “What is hot is shagging when other people are nearby. Knowing other people might hear is a turn-on – that whole ‘Everyone knows what we’re doing but no one’s going to talk about it’ aspect is like a sexy Fight Club.”
Daniel isn’t convinced. “I stay in hotels all the time and when I hear people having sex I feel like masturbating loudly and shouting, “I’m wanking to you having sex!
05 Bald guys
That freak-out you had the other night because you thought your hairline had shifted back another two centimetres? Forget about it. “Touching a bald guy, or a guy who is going bald and has shaved the rest off so you can just feel the stubble, is really good,” explains GoTN. “When they’re out in the rain and it’s dripping off their head…ah, hot.”
06 Forearm flashing
Forget bulging biceps and flat abs – when it comes to the bits of your body that turn her on, it’s handily simple. “The absolute sexiest bit of a bloke’s body for me is his forearm,” says Emily. “There’s something so hot about it.”
Turns out your digits are also key to turning women on. “Hands are the sexiest part of a man,” says GoTN. “It sounds weird, but it totally turns me on seeing a guy when he’s typing really fast.”
07 You masturbating
Get this: women would probably turn down watching the latest episode of Girls to check out you doing it to yourself. “There’s something about the naked lust of watching a man masturbate. It’s what he really, really wants to do and has nothing to do with me,” says GoTN.
Daniel clearly has some lessons to learn.”I’ve caught myself in the mirror. And there’s nothing sexy about the shame in my eyes,” he says.
08 Pizza parties
“I find it really sexy when you eat pizza with a guy,” says Emily. “My best day ever with a boyfriend was sitting in bed all day stuffing our faces and bonding.”
09 Her boobs, your hands
It seems men have lost the art of boob fondling. And the girls aren’t happy. “Grown-up guys don’t play with our tits enough,” says GoTN. “When you were snogging as a teenager, you’d be like, ‘Go on, touch my boob, please touch my boob’ and they would. Grown-up guys don’t bother. It’s really nice having your boobs played with, and nibbled.”
10 You playing Xbox
No. This isn’t a joke. You playing computer games = mega turn-on. “I love watching a man play Xbox,” says GoTN. “It’s hot because he’s super-engrossed, there’s the sexiness of seeing his fingers move really quickly, and distracting him from it with a blowjob or a handjob is a challenge – one that he wants me to win. But he has to pretend like he doesn’t.”
Emily agrees. “Oh yeah. You’ve got to go up against FIFA or Call Of Duty.”
Interviews: Helen Bownass