Meet FHM's latest girlfriend, Melissa: the port-swilling Mancunian with a penchant for erotic literature.

Here are five things you need to know about her:

05 She likes freaky stuff. Her perfect event involves zoo animals and freaky stuff like gymnasts and erm... bearded women.

04 She likes a posh tipple. Or as she calls it, a granny drink. If you spot her in a bar, she'll be drinking port or sherry.

03 Chivalry isn't dead. "I love when guys open the door for you or pull your chair out for you.I don't know if there are many guys out there like that, but a girl can always dream."

02 Justin Bieber would have no chance with her. " I hate it when guys wear their jeans below the bum. I don't understand it. Just pull your pants up, for God's sake!"

01 She likes some good erotic literature... and so should we. " I think guys should definitely read 50 Shades of Grey.. it opens your mind to new things..."

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