Great news, people recovering from malaria fans. Cheryl Tweedy is out of hospital and on her way home so she can drink Tropicana, eat vegetable soup and slowly drag herself back to full fitness. She’ll be running for 25 minutes at 12km an hour on a treadmill in no time. Then having a go on the cross trainer and doing a bit of rowing. Maybe not rowing, actually, because it gives you big arms and Cheryl Tweedy would look weird with big arms. Like Donkey Kong. That wouldn’t be a good look and it probably wouldn’t work on The X Factor. She’d be giving constructive criticism to one of her protégés but literally no one in the whole world would be able to hear what she was saying because they’d just be looking at her enormous monkey arms. Stay off the rowing machine Cheryl. It will not, repeat: not, end well.