If you've been following BBC 1's shouty-singing contest The Voice (perhaps for a bet of some kind, or maybe because you've been captured by terrorists and that's the torture technique they're using to extract information from you) then you'll have witnessed Cheryl Cole perform the following heart-stopping stunt on Saturday's edition of the show:
Should the Second Sexist Woman In The World really being flinging herself around with such reckless abandon? What if she'd landed all funny and broke herself? It's not like we have a load of spare Cheryls lying around, in case one of them dashes her brains out after coming over all Cirque du Soliel.
So Cheryl, if you're reading this, please be advised that, in future, you are only permitted to dramatically open performances with the following FHM-approved stunts:
Jumping from a foot-stool into a child's paddling pool (filled with no more than three inches of lukewarm water)
Spinning around and around until you feel a bit dizzy (but not too dizzy) then attempting to walk in a straight line
Thank you for your cooperation. And please don't ever scare us like that again.