Kim Kardashian, or ‘Kimmy K’ as we like to refer to her as when we’re hanging out (which is never), is pretty small. Don’t get us wrong, she’s definitely sizable in all the right places, but height? Not her strong point. 

I could put you in my pocket. No, seriously

This isn’t really an issue. In fact, we quite like it when girls are extra small - it makes us feel all gigantic and stuff. Kind of like when you wash your hands in a kids sink and for a fleeting moment you’re nine foot tall before the crashing reality of being ultra-average comes steaming back with a vengeance.

Kimmy K though, has one extra big problem when it comes to her somewhat diminutive stature. It comes in the form of her six-foot nine-inch fiancé, NBA player Kris Humphries. Standing next to Kim’s meager five-foot two-inches, Kris manages to make Kim look like a Borrower, as seen here at the launch of a website called Noon By Noor. 

"I make up for it in other ways. You get my drift?"

We’re not happy about this. Anyone that makes our pal Kimmy K look inadequate is going to have us to answer to. You know, because obviously in the face of a giant global sport superstar we’re confident that we’re going to have the upper hand. We’ve been hitting the gym HARD lately.

So here’s the deal, Humphries: either shrink yourself down, stop attending events like this with Kimmy, or come outside with us and settle this like a man. Alternatively we will accept a written apology via email or post, whatever’s easiest for you. Just so long as we don’t have to face you in person.