If you fancy me, say something. Getting stopped in the street and being told I’m attractive is wonderful. So few people are honest, and I’ll admire you for having the balls. Then just ask if I’d like to go for a cup of tea and we’ll take it from there.
I don’t care if you shagged around before me. Your past life is history, as long as you’re healthy. Although, I do think you can tell a lot about the man by looking at his exes.
I don’t get jealous of other women in bars. I’m so used to boyfriends getting jealous when a man comes up to me that I don’t have time for all those games. I’m not 18 anymore. There’s no place for silly jealousy.
Men being silly makes me laugh. I’m attracted to grown men who are self-deprecating and mess around like big kids. What I don’t like are men who try to be ironic the whole time.
I’m not bothered if you’re hairy. Too much chest hair? Not a problem. I’m not sure about you having your shirt buttons undone to the belly button – unless we’re eating in a beach bar, in which case that’s fine. Although, if you’re bald, don’t slip your sunglasses onto your forehead. It’ll look like you’ve got four eyes.
But please don’t mock my accent. I’ve had it for years and it does my head in.
Farting is funny. Although if someone’s flatulent 24/7, that’s a bit too much. But there is something inherently funny about it.
I don’t care how rich you are. I’m not into material possessions. I’ve never been the kind of girl who gets into a nice car and says, “Wow!”
Clothes maketh the man. When I lived in Paris, I once saw this guy in a gym who looked great – but when we went for dinner his trousers were far too short. I just couldn’t get over his clothes.
I like a man with big arms. It’s the first thing I notice during the summer. And I like the ripped look. But not too big. Wiry, athletic.
I tell my girlfriends everything. Although when I’m actually with a guy, I don’t think: ‘God, I must tell them about this.’
Nothing can go wrong on a one-night stand. You both know what you’re doing, you do it, and then it’s all over. So you can’t mess up.
Women aren’t attracted to violence. I once went out with this guy who karate kicked this rude man. But it wasn’t attractive. I don’t look at men and think: ‘he’d be a good bodyguard.’
Buy us the house red. After one bottle it all tastes the same anyway.
I’m not into men who live in bachelor pads. And I wouldn’t go back to your house after the first date, but I might after the second.
In Incoming we’ve secured a world exclusive first play of Call of Duty: World At War. Are you a gamer?
Not now, but when I was 10, I was really into my SEGA. I used to play Aladdin loads and, of course, Sonic… I completed both, but to finish Aladdin I used a cheat.
This month’s True Stories sees readers spill their guts about spilling their guts. Any amusing chunder memories?
My cousin and I were on one of those rides that rotate while you are upside down and she started to feel unwell. But instead of doing it in her hand, she turned and puked all over my new suede jacket. In fact she still owes me…
We’ve secured a world exclusive drive of the actual car used in the new Bond film – how’s your driving?
I can’t drive, so right now I would be really dangerous. Especially since, during lessons, I have noticed I have a slight tendency for road rage. That’s also why I stepped back. I’m holding off the test until I’m ready.
Our technology special highlights a plethora of must-have man gadgets. What hardware couldn’t you live without?
Everyone says it, but my iPod. My most played song is Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl and my most embarrassing one is a Christmas song that makes me happy.
We reveal how to send your partner potty by talking dirty. Does it work on you?
I don’t know. It depends what mood I am in. I could take it seriously if the mood was right – why not? Don’t try foreign accents or role play, though.
In Quote Unquote we lock horns with one of the RAF’s top fighter pilots. Fancy a lift in a Typhoon?
I’m a bit of a thrill seeker, so I’d love to go up in a fast jet, but the idea of combat scares me. It’s weird, when it comes to fantasy horror movies I’m fine, but anything involving real-life pain makes me scream.
The FHM Angels inform a reader how to tell his girlfriend she’s rubbish in bed. What’s your advice?
Buy a copy of the Kama Sutra and sit down and read it together. Or say: “How about experimenting, honey?” One thing’s for certain: make it more about ‘us’ than ‘you’ – act like you are trying to improve as a team.
The Miss FHM quiz dares readers to find out if their girlfriends are healthy or not. Are you?
Right now I’m really healthy. I wake up and go running, then I have dance rehearsals during the day, before going swimming at night. But that’s because I have the tour coming up. When I don’t have to be fit, I have been known to be a crisp fiend. Wotsits, if you’re buying.
Our Upgrade section sees top chef Raymond Blanc teach readers how to knock up a fast, lady-arousing omelette. How is your cooking?
People say dreadful, but I make a great fry-up. I start with waffles, then put on a layer of bacon, then a layer of eggs, then cheese and finally beans – that goes down well.
Lastly, our back page Final Countdown lists the things you women hate about us men. What makes you scream?
Leaving the toilet seat up, obviously, but also wolf-whistling or making animal noises to project your interest in us. Women hate it, so here’s a tip: offer a simple “hello” and we will return the favour. Make an animal noise and we’ll bite back.
Original interview by Ben Wilson in the January 2009 issue of FHM UK magazine