A week ago we brought you the shocking news that Peter Crouch may have cheated on Abbey Clancy. That’s ‘may’, lawyers, so get off our case already.

Now, it’s emerged he may have been putting it about even more than we first feared he may have been.

After £800-a-night hooker Monica Mint claimed she’d bedded the lanky striker, further compromising pictures have emerged of possible Crouch indiscretions. Crouchy was snapped having a right old churps to at least two other blondes, while on holiday with the aforementioned Scouse saucepot.

What’s the matter with this guy? And why do footballers always cheat on their hot girlfriends with absolute hounds? Sorry, why do footballers always allegedly cheat on their hot girlfriends with absolute hounds?

Now Abbey Clancy has been spotted sans engagement ring. Normally, we’d cheer this news – another gorgeous girl on the market for us all to pretend we have a chance with. But we quite like the Clouchy relationship; it’s always struck us as more sincere than many of these footballer/model unisons. And, footballer though he may be, Peter Crouch is, in a weird way, still one of life’s losers. So it always seemed a bit like the 6’7” beanpole was scoring a victory for the little man. The no-hoper, dating one of the hottest women around. And now he’s gone and bloody blown it. Possibly.

What next? David Beckham rapes badgers? Jenson Button’s a Nazi? Winston Churchill had erectile dysfunction?

At least, through all of this, we can all take solace in the fact that Abbey Clancy is bloody lovely to look at, with or without an engagement ring.