So what sort of bikini do you prefer?
I like the ones that do up at the side with strings. You can undo them and move the fabric around so all of your breasts get evenly tanned. That said, I tend to go topless.
Aren’t you afraid of getting papped?
Nah, I’m not famous enough yet. And I’m not sure I’d want to be. Matt and I went to Thorpe Park with David Gest, and even though he was allowed to dodge the queues because he was famous, it still took an hour to get from one ride to another because of all the autograph hunters.
How enormous were your breasts on the Gossard billboard?
I don’t know. I never climbed up with a tape measure. Probably about four feet. But I don’t have big boobs – just average.
We hear you occasionally flash them at people…
I have flashed, but only to good friends in the past. I wouldn’t streak across Edgbaston during a test match going, “Look at these bad girls!” Mind you, I used to share a flat with a gay guy, and in the morning, I’d put on a dressing gown and banter with him on the sofa. If we had an argument and I was losing, I’d just go, “Shut up!” and flash him. He’d shriek, “Urgh, they look mouldy. I can’t look at them. Aargh!”
So you didn’t ‘convert’ him, then?
No, I didn’t. I think we can safely say he’s not into breasts!
What about blokes? Should they grace the beach in Speedos or board shorts?
Definitely nothing too tight! If I saw some guy with a defined bulge, I wouldn’t know where to look. And I wouldn’t be impressed if it was huge, either. Why would you want an enormous one? It’s ridiculous!
How would you make men better?
I’d stop builders wolf-whistling. Because, as well as being offensive, it’s useless. No woman ever thinks: ‘Hmm, he’s whistling at me like I’m a sheepdog. I think I’m going to go up that scaffolding and ask for his number.’
What about in the sack?
Selfishness is bad. And being too harsh and grabby – that hurts. You want to hear your woman say, “Oooh…” not “Ow!” My favourite place to be kissed is my back – it’s like having a relaxing massage from a pair of warm lips.
What’s a good night out for you?
I like a dirty bar. Nothing shiny and urban; not the spot, as he’s such a girl. But with my first proper boyfriend, we were spooning in bed and I just farted in his lap. It seemed the best way to get the subject out there. It was really funny, and then I could fart in front of him whenever I wanted. I think that’s more honest than having to sneak silent-but-violent ones out and blaming the dog.
Does anything appall you?
I don’t like it when men let their towels and sheets get so filthy, they stink. If you look in the bed, there’s one grimy side where they sleep. And toilets are a big thing for me. People who leave the seat up annoy me. I don’t want to touch it. You’ve pissed all over it, you put it down.
When is the best time to make sweet romance?
I’m a terrible person to ask because Matt is such a night owl. Even if we have a quiet evening in, he’ll be awake till 3am, whereas I’m gone on the couch by midnight. And once I’m asleep, that’s it. If anyone touches me, I turn into the most evil human being in the world. Leave me alone! Then in the morning, he’s asleep and I’ve got to go to work.
You haven’t had sex for ages, have you?
Spontaneity’s the best – just when you’re not expecting it. I don’t like that whole planned thing – you know, tonight is Thursday, let’s pencil in sex. Synchronise watches, six hours until sex. That takes the romance out of it.
You’re going to see some perilous stunts in the jungle, but what’s the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?
I present the Red Bull air races, where pilots fly these nippy planes around cities. I got to go up in one, and it’s like the best-ever rollercoaster in the world, times 1000. It was so awesome, I nearly passed out twice. The G-force makes your face go rubbery and your eyeballs feel like they’re going to pop out. At one point, we were flying just 12 metres off the ground at 250mph. And we were upside down…
Were you secretly hoping Matt got the boot early on in I’m A Celebrity… so you could laze around by the hotel pool?
Absolutely. But, by the time he came out, we had to go straight to the wrap party. We were up all night drinking, then we got filmed from breakfast to boarding the plane. I’m afraid the king did not get a royal seeing to.
Were you worried that his kisses would taste of wallaby balls?
I made him brush his teeth a few times…
Original interview by Grub Smith in the December 2007 issue of FHM UK magazine