Thanks to that Chris De Burgh and his song about some mysterious woman wearing red, we are unable to appreciate the colour on its own merits anymore. It's the same with red lipstick. So ingrained has it become into the subconscious, it's become completely objectified, synonymous with either blood or sex (and sometimes, frightfully, both). The central irony regarding the colour red is that it manages to convey both attraction and repulsion simultaneously.

Let's take a case study. Dannii Minogue. She appears more attractive in a bright red dress and lipstick than she would in black tracksuit bottoms and a navy blue cardigan. This is unquestionable. However, take almost any signal of distress or danger (warning signs, communist flags) and we find that more often than not, they share the same colour. Very strange indeed.

Dannii is evidently up on her Darwinistic principles

And this isn't our usual mumbo-jumbo of pseudo-scientific gabble. The study has been accredited to real scientists from the European Journal of Social Psychology, in which men were found to move physically closer to women wearing red above any other colour. The cause of this is possibly rooted in evolutionary mating. We bet you didn't know that female baboons and chimps redden when ovulating.

Unfortunately, women do not change colour during their menstrual cycles. It would make things a lot easier for blokes if they did, but instead men are plunged into darkness, relying on outward signals of interest which, if misread, may result in dire humiliation, or a good clout. Yet if science theorises that wearing red is effectively a green signal for males, what implications does this have for Dannii? What is the intent behind her choice of apparel? Does she relish in  teasing the hapless fools who believe she's giving them the come on? Or is she actually up for it? Get this cracked, and 99% of male neuroses would be cured instantly.