FHM's Girlfriends: the ultimate collection
Hannah, a 22-year-old barmaid from Portsmouth, is a rare species. Despite a working life filled with propositions from drunken sailors, she knows how to sort the wheaff from the chaff - especially when we guessed her favourite drink...
Where did we meet?
To be honest, you probably met me in my bar or out somewhere one night.
Did I have to buy you a drink?
Yeah, you did. I think it’s nice when a guy makes the first move.
What did I buy you?
An Amaretto and coke, which happens to be my favourite.
And did I use a stupid line?
I don’t go for guys with chat up lines. You just came over, made some conversation and then asked me straight out if I wanted a drink.
What did you think of what I was wearing?
I must have thought it was quite nice because if you were wearing something hideous then I wouldn’t have bothered getting to know you.
What else attracted you to me?
You had really nice eyes and I really liked your hair, sort of rugged looking but not too messy. Like Robert Pattinson, but not trampish.
And did you think I was cool?
I don’t like guys who are too cool, I liked it that you were a bit geeky. I don’t like guys who are in love with themselves so your geekiness was a good thing.
Did we kiss on the first night?
It depends on how much I liked you, but I guess we would because you were buying me drinks.
How long was it before we slept together?
I don’t want to say on the first night because that makes me sound like a slut, but if I met up with you again then second or third date. Possibly.
Did I have to buy you dinner?
Yes! I love food so that definitely won me over. We went to a steak house because I love meat.
What happened next?
I waited for you to call or text me but when you didn’t, I made the effort and gave you a call. I didn’t want to do it too soon because I thought I’d done something wrong.
How was it when you met my friends?
They really liked me. I did my best not to be too quiet because some girls are really quiet around their boyfriend’s mates.
What are Sundays like at our house?
We just chill out having lots of sex, eating lots of pizza and watching movies. No Hollyoaks omnibus either - I'd rather cook dinner and lay in bed.
And if I left you alone would you go through my drawers?
Yes. I probably wouldn’t find much, but I would do it. I think every girl would. Or maybe it’s just me and my friends. I’m just intrigued and suspicious. And it’s something to do.
And my internet history?
I wouldn’t try to but if something popped up then that’s not my fault. That happened on my ex’s computer. I tried to search for Facebook and porn came up. That made me suspicious, so I had a look.
Would you watch porn with me then?
Yes, it’s fun to do together. I’d rather watch it with you than have you watch it by yourself all the time.
Would you wear sexy underwear around the house for me?
I like stockings and suspenders, so yes, definitely.
Do I have any special moves in bed?
I quite like biting and stuff. It sounds weird but I quite like rough stuff and a bit of hair pulling, if it’s not too hard. I like being tied up and blindfolded. Spanking too, but that’s about as kinky as it goes.
Would we do it outdoors?
That’s really exciting, the risk of getting caught.
Do your parents like me?
My mum loves you. And you like football and beer, right? So my dad likes you too.
And are we going to tell my parents you’re a glamour model?
Erm, I usually start with just "model" and go from there…
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