Vanessa Hudgens celebrated her birthday last week. She’s now 22 years old. That means she was born in 1988. During that year, USA and Canada signed a free trade agreement. Vanessa Hudgens and free trade? What a bloody year. In your face, 1987 and 1989. 

Vanessa Hudgens recently broke up with beard growing novice Zac Efron. We wonder if he’d already got her a birthday present and, if so, whether he gave it to her despite their separation in a sort of tragic “You’ll always be special to me” kind of way, or whether he tried to take it back to the shop. We reckon he tried to take it back. Or maybe kept it to give to his mum for Christmas. Merciless git, Zac Efron.

Worried that she'd be disappointed we couldn't attend her party, we phoned our pal Vanessa to apologise:

"Happy birthday, V-Hudg. Sorry we missed your party, we’ve had a few issues with snow lately. Hey, don’t have a go at us. It’s not our fault. Don’t you watch the news? The whole country is at a standstill. What do you mean we should have got an earlier flight? There ARE NO flights. We’d much rather have been in Las Vegas than shuffling along the pavement like an elderly penguin fearful of breaking a hip. We’d have happily swapped a night shivering under a duvet and two blankets for an evening of toasty revelry at Pure Nightclub in Caesers Palace. But we couldn’t make it, alright? What d’you mean our absence ruined your whole birthday? Hey, stop crying. Your only birthday wish was for us to be there, was it? Come on, Hudgy, we really are sorry. There was just nothing we could do. Even Lily Allen, Madonna and Simon Pegg got caught in the flights fiasco. Look, how about we take you out for a nice lunch and then we go for a stroll through the woods in the snow? Doesn’t that sound nice? We’ll hold hands and serenade you with lovely Christmas songs. You up for that? ‘course you are. There’s our girl."