Hey, did you know the Super Bowl was on TV last night? Yeah, we know there's not been much coverage of it, including on this site. We mentioned nothing about Christina Aguilera basically getting all the words wrong to the national anthem – and trying to compensate by singing as many notes as she could (seriously woman, you don't have to make every word last a million syllables). We said about Fergie cavorting around with expensively clad boobs. And we are certainly not going to mention Jessica Lowndes going to a Super Bowl-related party.

Everything you have just read is a lie. That's EXACTLY what we're going to tell you about. Because, in America, sporting events means having parties to celebrate those sporting events. Just the event is not enough. This is America, DAMMIT. Their founding fathers fought for the right to hold celebrations for the most spurious of reasons. So Jessica Lowndes turned up to this party and tried to break the record for most cleavage exposed without revealing a nipple. As you can see, she nearly lost.

Jessica Lowndes at the Maxim Super Bowl party
Jessica Lowndes nearly lets a nip slip

Then she went to some other party (or maybe she went to this party first - we don't know, we're not The New York Times) and put on a ridiculously oversized shirt, but still managed to look really cute.

Jessica Lowndes at a Super Bowl party
Hey, her eyes are up here

The moral of the story: Nothing whatsoever.