FHM's Girlfriends: the ultimate collection

Posted by , 17 December 2010

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Nikki

28-year-old Nikki Theobald likes sandwiches, Guinness and arty porn. We're down with that.

Where did we meet?
We met in the sandwich shop when you made me sandwiches.

Did we swap numbers straight away?
Yeah, we did, you wrote it on the back of the packet of the sandwich.

And how long was it before I called you?
You called me I think just a day or two after, so you were a bit of a cool cat.

Did we arrange a date straight away?
We did indeed. Straight away! You were an eager beaver. We actually went out that evening.

Did I buy you lots of drinks? Did I try and get you drunk?
You tried to get me drunk in the pub on Strongbow. That’s what you were drinking but I settled for half a Guinness instead.

What was it that first attracted you to me?
The sandwich, it was the best sandwich I’ve ever had.

So you don’t necessarily go for someone who’s good looking?
No.

Did I text you straight after the date?
Yeah, you did, just to make sure I got in okay.

Did you reply?
Yeah, I did. I said "night night".

How long was it before we went on a second date?
Oh, it was only two days.

So we moved quite quickly?
Yeah.

How long before we slept together?
It didn’t take long at all, we had coffees and stuff as well which don’t count as dates.

How was it, was it good?
Yeah, it was nice.

How long would I be with you before I meet your parents?
You would probably meet my parents within six months.

Is your dad scary?
Yeah.

Is it a deal breaker if we don’t get on?
Not necessarily.

If I was really drunk the night before and I rolled in at four in the morning would that be okay?
Yeah, fine, that's no problem.

What about if I was sick? Would you clear it up for me?
No.

Is it alright to leave porn lying around the house?
Yeah, I don’t mind you having it, but I just like my nice coffee table books.

Arty porn?
Arty porn is fine.

Would you tell me if I was doing something wrong in bed?
Yeah, in a nice roundabout way, not too direct.

Are you going to wear underwear around the house for me?
Yes.

Would you be impressed if I bought some for you?
Yeah!

What’s your bra size?
32D.

Do we have kinky sex?
You try to sometimes, bless you.

Have you got any special moves?
I’ve got loads of special moves, but I’m keeping those under wraps.

How about a movie?
Oh God, no. No way.

Why not?
Many reasons. First reason would be I’d be scared that it would end up in the wrong hands.

If I get fat will you still love me?
Yeah. Although I think you’re thinner than me!

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