Victoria’s Secret had a fashion show. It looked like everyone there was having a thunderingly fantastic time. Just look at them. All genuine smiles and happiness, like the meeting in which it was announced that Take Me Out would be back for a second series. “Let the plug see the socket…“ “Let the nuts see the squirrel…” “Let me say really vulgar and sometimes quite obscure things about women that, if you could interpret them, would probably imply that women are nothing more than fully objectifiable pieces of meat… PHWOAR…”
Anyway, we regard watching this Victoria’s Secret fashion show video as an EXCELLENT use of 12 minutes. If you weren’t watching this 12-minute video, what else could you do with your 12 minutes?
Run two miles (or a mile-and-a-bit if you’re not that fit)
Running as fast as you can for 12 minutes has to be good for you. Make sure you plan a nice little round route for yourself, though, so you end up back at home at the end. That way you can collapse in your front garden or jump straight into a nice relaxing bath. You wouldn’t want to find yourself in a dodgy neighbourhood a sweaty, breathless mess.
Masturbate two-and-a-half times
You think you can do three? Go on, just try it.
Watch all the good bits from the X Factor final
IN: Rihanna's outfits; Stacey Solomon getting all over-excited in Essex; Cher and Cheryl Cole looking like lovely sisters
OUT: All the singing; Celebrity duets making it painfully clear that none of the contestants are even remotely comparable to professionals in terms of singing ability
Build a snowman
Not a particularly fantastic one, obviously. But you could build something that resembles a snowman in 12 minutes. And we sometimes wonder whether it’s worth spending hours creating something of astonishing beauty when it’ll only be ruined when the kids next door make it's nose a willy or it melts into a tragic, lumpy reminder of it’s former glory. The moral: joy derived from beauty is tragically ephemeral. Wonder if that’s how God feels….