What's their food like? Fishy, mainly. In fact, if you don’t like fish, you’re pretty much stuffed – there are enough individual Portuguese recipes for dried cod (whatever that is) for a unique fish dish every day of the year. Now there’s some pub knowledge for you.

Local tipple: Port, funnily enough. Then again, if you don’t regularly guzzle down communion wine, there’s plenty of less sugary booze out there too.

Biggest cultural oddity: Jogo do Pau, the Portuguese martial art. Literally translated as “staff game” it’s a legitimate opportunity to batter people with sticks and get away with it. Which is nice.

Most likely to kill you: The Portuguese themselves. That is, if you dare insult Cristiano “The King” Ronaldo – if you do, prepare for an Iberian bollocking like you’ve never seen.

Phrase to memorise: “Tem desconto à vista?” which means “Is there a discount if I pay cash?” – useful for any Portuguese brothels you might stumble into, presumably.

Best place to visit: Despite the annual British tourist infestation every summer, the Algarve is still well worth going to, if only for the beaches, sunshine, and… that’s it, really.

National animal: The cock. (Insert bad joke here).

Impressive pub trivia: In Roman times Portugal was called Luisitania – though you probably knew that from reading Asterix, you geek.

Sports they would beat England at: Football. (*Cough*).

Would you want to live there? If you could put up with the huge number of British expats already there, absolutely – it’s sunnier than Britain will ever be and Spain’s over the road if you get bored.