Last Friday April 16, the film Boogie Woogie starring Heather Graham, Jaime Winstone, Gillian Anderson, Joanna Lumley, Gemma Atkinson and Amanda Seyfried came out and no one noticed. Blame the election debate, or something, but we’ve only just realised that in the movie directed and based on a book by Danny Moynihan, Heather Graham and Jaime Winstone spend a lot of time getting naked and kissing each other. We haven’t seen the film, but we’re pretty sure this is what happens:

Scene #1

Beth Freemantle (Heather Graham) and Elaine (Jaime Winstone) are hanging out at Beth’s house (or Elaine's house) when Beth decides that actually the shade of blue that her top is doesn’t really go with her necklace. She’s all like: “Mmm, jeez, what am I gonna do?”

Scene #2

Beth takes her blouse right off. Elaine tries her hardest not to care about Beth’s lovely black bra by blowing smoke rings. She can’t do it, because it’s harder than it looks. She puts her cigarette out in the ash tray and pretends not to be surprised by the size of Heather Graham’s cleavage.

Scene #3

Beth is unamused by how unimpressed Elaine seems by her black bra, so gets rid of that as well. She gives Beth a cheeky look, and says: “These are my tits.”

Scene #4

Elaine gives Beth a look right back, and says: “Yeah, well, I’ll see your surprisingly large but ultimately boring tits, and I’ll raise you tassles.”

Scene #5

Beth can’t believe it. Elaine’s tassles are the best things she’s ever seen. She’s been out-titted for the first time ever. She wants to ask Elaine where she got her tassles, but can’t, because they’re already kissing.

Scene #6

Elaine kisses Beth right back. She doesn’t really give a damn about tassles, she just wants to guide Beth’s attention away from her own strange and crumpled back.

Scene #7

The plan works, and Elaine and Beth have full sex. Beth looks confused, and can’t stop thinking about Elaine’s tassles. Elaine goes on top, so that Beth can’t see her back.


Here's the trailer: