January Jones is in Mad Men. January Jones has blonde hair. January Jones is called January. January Jones went to the Golden Globes and wore a red dress. If we were DUMBASS DOUCHEBAGS we’d refer to her breasts as Golden Globes and say something along the lines of “her Golden Globes were looking good at the Golden Globes”. But even thinking about making saying stuff like that and then telling you that we thought about them makes us die a little bit inside, so we’ll leave it there. Here is January Jones looking nice in a red dress:

January Jones looks nice in this red dress

In Mad Men, January Jones plays Betty Draper until (SPOILER ALERT!!!!) she walks out on Don Draper because he’s a bastard.

And yeah, even though he looks like he’d smell all lovely and of Old Spice, Don Draper is a bastard. An amazing bastard. The king of bastard men sort of dream about being because his life looks like a lot of fun and he sleeps with a lot of money and he has a lot of money, but then you remember that HE’S NOT REAL.

Betty Draper isn’t real either, but January Jones sure as hell is. Look at her. Standing around like a real-life human. Wearing a dress like a real-life human. Not smiling, like a MISERABLE ALIEN.

She doesn’t really look like a miserable alien

She looks cool though. Cool and icy like a glacier. Like a glacier mint. Like a Fox’s glacier mint. Like a Fox’s glacier mint but not like the fruity Fox sweets because they actually taste like e numbers and just give us a massive headache.