Oh hi Jennifer Lawrence. You're what? An actress? Well, we've never heard of you but you look really pretty and appealingly shiny in the new issue of US Esquire.
You were in something called The Burning Plain? We didn't see that. It starred Charlize Theron and Kim Basinger, who these days make boring films about being downtrodden in small towns and possibly solving a crime. So we skipped that.
And you're in what else? The Beaver. Haha, that's a funny name. But we've heard of that one. It's directed by Jodie Foster and stars Mel Gibson as a man who talks to a beaver puppet that is always on his hand. And you play what in that? Your character doesn't have a name on IMDb? Well, that's ok, it's not out for a while. The film sounds actually kind of brilliant so we will totally come and see you in it. And we also hear you're very good in The Winter's Bone.
But let's not talk anymore, Jennifer Lawrence. You just keep on being shiny.
See more photos and a brilliant, brilliant video at Esquire.