Kylie Minogue is not human. Surely she can't be, how can a woman look this amazing at 42? She must have survived by licking the moisture from moss and holding back all emotion to preserve her smooth skin. We're half her age and we look like someone beat a sack of potatoes with a broom, then pissed on them. That's right ladies, look us up.
Anyway the princess of pop, or duchess of pop - we're not sure where Kylie ranks in the musical monarchy nowadays - was performing at the final of Germany's Next Top Model. Which is a bit odd, we didn't know any other German models existed except Heidi Klum and Claudia Schiffer. That must be why they're searching for new ones.
Kylie Minogue looks like this.
Germany looks like this.
In case you forgot, this is what Kylie Minogue looks like again - whilst being groped by men in their underpants.
Here is Kylie's latest video. Kylie Minogue and the World Cup in the same day. Excellent stuff.