This month’s bloke test sees Def Leppard’s Rick Savage recall setting himself on fire. Ever been flame-grilled?
No, but my friend’s hair got set on fire by accident. Someone came up behind her with a lighter and next thing we knew her hair went up. She was quite drunk, so didn’t notice until everyone started whacking her head.
Sticking with hair, this month we continue our search for the nation’s hottest hairdresser. Do you have bad hair days?
A lot of them. My hair’s naturally curly and it gets worse in the sun. By the end of Shipwrecked it was so out of control I had to put it into dreadlocks. It was so frizzy I thought I was going to have to cut it all off.
This month’s True Stories are about revenge. Have you ever served the dish cold?
My mum’s ex-boyfriend pushed me into a swimming pool when I was 11. I think he thought it was a bit of fun, but I had my school uniform on, so didn’t appreciate it. The next day, after he’d gone to work, I stuck all his pants on a massive piece of string and displayed them outside the front of the house underneath a massive sign that said: “Don’t mess with me.”
Also in Hardware, this month’s test gives offers all the ammo readers need to be King of the Park this summer. Will you be out with your picnic?
Definitely. When the weather’s nice, my friends and I always sit outside, eating food, drinking wine and larking around with water guns.
We test the new Lamborghini Gallardo around the streets of Las Vegas in Hardware. Are you a driver or a passenger?
Driver. I’m a bit of a boy when it comes to cars. I have a Mini, and I absolutely love it – it’s so nippy and cool.
We speak to David Duchovny this month. Were you an X-Files geek?
I never watched the The X-Files, but I love Desperate Housewives for the characters and storylines and Prison Break for the bad boys. Michael’s hot.
This month’s cover star is tennis hottie Ana Ivanovic. How’s your game?
I’m not a tennis player. I try to get involved, but more often than not I hit the ball over the fence at the back. I’m better off being a ball girl, or a spectator – the boys that play tend to be very good looking.
Our Angels tackle a nasty reader quandary about the clashing of a romantic weekend with a stag do. What do you think the guy should do?
He should explain to his girlfriend that his mate’s stag do is a once in a lifetime opportunity, whereas him and her are going to have years of going away together. That’ll keep her sweet. She’ll be thinking: “Aw, he wants to be with me for years.”
Once again this month’s Miss FHM highlights some lingerie that will make our readers’ girlfriends very happy indeed. When did you last splash out?
Right after your shoot. I normally don’t wear that kind of underwear, but the pictures inspired me to go out and buy some.
The Miss FHM Quiz asks readers to discover whether or not their girlfriends are morons. Have you ever dated a moron?
All guys can be morons at one stage or another. The worst is when they act one way with you and another with their mates. That’s weak.
In Upgrade our man meal is a hangover buster. What would you cook a guy in the morning?
Toast and cereal – does that count? No? Okay, a massive fried breakfast, swapping sausages for extra bacon – I’m not a sausage girl.
We also investigate the secret ingredients in the food and drink we love, by analysing the contents of Red Bull. What’s your dirty treat?
24-hour McDonald’s. This is embarrassing, but I tell you what’s really good – dipping your chips in a McFlurry. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
Also in Upgrade we reveal the foods you should eat to get a flat belly in four weeks. Did you diet before Shipwrecked?
No, I stuffed my face. I realised I was going to have to live on rice for three months, so I decided to quit worrying about my diet and eat as much as I could, when I could.
Readers’ medical ailments are answered in FHM Hospital. Did you catch anything nasty on the island?
No, but one poor girl found it really difficult to poo – so she didn’t at any point during the entire series. It was awful, her tummy blew up into a little balloon and she was in so much pain. They took her to hospital halfway through and the doctors sorted it out.
Finally, Upgrade also sees us interview a man with a job we’d love and one with one we’re glad we don’t have to tackle. Ever suffered nightmare employment?
The Shipwrecked website claims I’ve never had a job. But, believe me, I have. My friend and I worked in an old people’s home every Saturday and Sunday morning. We’d wake up still drunk and have to go into a small, hot room and wash and iron sheets that had been pooed on the night before. It was vile.
Original interview by Stuart Hood in the August 2008 issue of FHM UK magazine