At 16, FHM was not what you would call ‘a catch.’ Lanky, awkward, invariably wearing an aggressive Megadeth T-shirt and riddled with intense, localised acne around the mouth (to the extent that one concerned teacher asked if we were “snorting UHU at lunchtimes”). So girls, certainly, were not an option.

But how we lusted after them! The elite unit of Lolitas that were permanently stationed around the bench at the back of the English block. Laura Penton and her blossoming bust; Anna Claymoor with her breathtaking, netball-honed arse; their ginger mate who put it about with the football team.

When a 16-year-old girl knows she’s attractive, she can use that power to devastating effect. Which is exactly what Madeline Zima’s character, Mia, does in Californication. Mia uses her feminine wiles to bed David Duchovny, who doesn’t realise she’s 16. “I knew a lot of girls like her when I was 16,” she recalls, “and I was wilder than I am now by a long shot. So if I can’t relate my own experiences to her, I use people that I knew at that time who were that wild.”

Luckily, Zima is actually 23 – a long time since her first gig in a nappy advert in 1987. Yes, in the same year that Lethal Weapon came out, she was two years old. “That was also the first time I ever did nudity on TV!” laughs Zima. “It was the baby’s bare ass running into the towel – and once upon a time, that was my young ass.”

And 21 years later, after roles alongside Hulk Hogan in Mr. Nanny, and cameos in King Of The Hill and Grey’s Anatomy, Zima is still getting her ‘bare ass’ out for the cameras. Californication doesn’t shy away from nude scenes, something Zima’s perfectly happy with. “It’s a mental thing, it’s not the actual nudity that’s odd, it’s the fact that it’s being filmed,” says Zima casually. “Luckily I have the protection of feeling it’s my character doing this, so I don’t go, ‘Here I am, you know, humping…’”

On that note: there’s one nude scene where, er, you punch David Duchovny. While humping him. So how was that?
I had read the scene so I knew there was nudity. Honestly, once you’re naked it doesn’t feel that uncomfortable, it’s just taking the clothes off that’s embarrassing. It’s a sexually explicit programme, so when people come up to you, sometimes they’re nice, and sometimes they’re not so nice. Whenever people say, “I love your work!” that’s quite lovely, and when they buy you free shots at the bar, that’s even better. But some people say things that are rude and things you wouldn’t say to a stranger, so that’s not as cool.

What was your family’s reaction to it?
Well, my dad didn’t watch. And it was obviously a little bit disturbing to my sisters and my mom, but it made her laugh. So that’s a high compliment. It’s hard for me to watch sometimes. But my friends all thought it was an awesome moment.

Ever punched someone in real life?
No!

We don’t mean in bed! Just generally…
Oh, okay. I’ve got into fights with my sisters, but I’ve never punched a guy, I’ve slapped guys before and I’ve certainly wanted to punch guys.