When US Marine Sgt Scott Moore asked Mila Kunis on a date – and she said yes – we got upset. We got really upset. We’ve been waiting for years to dance with Mila, even in a no-hands-on-my-bum-this-is-sort-of-a-publicity-stunt kind of way. We’d take anything. And up swans Johnny Marine and BANG, just like that, she agreed to go to the Marine Corps Ball with him.

Mila Kunis at the Friends With Benefits premiere
Mila Kunis remembered a joke she heard this one time

Except karma has a way of working these things out, you’ll be pleased to hear. Either karma or that voodoo doll of Sgt Moore that we made and have been sticking pins in these last few days, anyway. Turns out that lovely Mila Kunis is going to be too busy to go with him, on account of shooting two films in a different part of the country when the ball’s set to take place.

Allow us a silent victory dance, if you will.

Mila Kunis at the Friends With Benefits premiere
*silent victory funk*

She’s still going out with him, you’ll be saddened to hear, at a later date, which is going to be astonishingly awkward. Just imagine – at the Marine Corps Ball, it’s all fancy dresses and flashing lights and loud music, and you could get away with just wearing a suit and smiling at her every so often. Four months later in a coffee shop, you’re going to have to think pretty fast to keep Mila Actual Kunis entertained with your war stories, man.

Justin Timberlake has also agreed to go to the ball with a marine, too – a sassy young lady by the name of Kelsey De Santis who asked him out in this video: