Alesha Dixon is in bed. She’s not being a right lazy mare and wasting her days watching hateful imbeciles being comprehensively humiliated by Jezza Kyle from the comfort of her bassinet, oh no, she’s having pictures taken to promote the Lottery.

You might think the Lottery doesn’t need much promotion – everyone knows it’s there, it’s like oxygen or the omnipresent spectre of death – but it’s not just the usual old Lottery they’re promoting. This one’s called ‘Lotto Plus 5’. If we’ve learnt nothing else from the Lottery – and we haven’t – it’s that the names of these games don’t make any difference, we still don’t bloody win.

In these boudoir snaps, Alesha Dixon is doing the ‘fingers crossed’ symbol. A symbol that’s used for one of two things:

ONE – to superstitiously wish for good luck

What could Alesha Dixon be wishing for? She probably doesn’t need the £250k you can win with this new game so it must be summit else. World peace, perhaps. Spurs to get the Olympic Stadium, maybe. The corpulent cameraman who’s been winched above her bed not to break through the rope and come crashing down upon her like a cartoon piano? Probably.


A lot like our bedroom, just fewer plates

TWO – to nullify a promise

What promise could Alesha Dixon be seeking to nullify? "I promise you’ll win the lottery if you pick your numbers really hard"? Unlikely. It definitely wasn't me that left the plughole full of lustrous brown hair"? Possibly. "I promise not to hog all the covers so you wake up freezing but can’t wrestle them off me because we’ve only just started going out and you don’t want me to know you’re an inconsiderate bastard just yet"? Probably.


Roll over, Beethoven