When we were very little, our mum got rid of her gold Ford Montego and got another car. We can’t remember what it was, but we remember it was silver. We therefore assumed our family had become a bit poorer and had been forced to downgrade from gold to silver. We felt bad about this and laid off the Petits Filout and Angel Delight for a while.

Why is this relevant? Well, we think Alesha Dixon might be having a similar issue. Sure, she wore a gold dress to the Brit Awards at the O2 Arena last night, but look at the bloody length of it. Her fiscal circumstances have clearly got so dour that she’s had to economise by buying a really short gold dress. Tragic, really. Next she'll be wearing silver *shudder*.

Putting a brave face on it

Something like 165,000 tonnes of gold have been mined throughout history. That sounds like quite a lot, but if you put it into a cube it would only be about 20.4 metres on each side. That’s not something you’d want to land on your foot on a cold morning, but it’s not really that big, is it? With that in mind, it’s even more surprising that that Elizabeth Duke women is happy to sell lovely necklaces of the stuff for £12.99 in Argos.

Interestingly, Alesha Dixon is signed up as a brand ambassador for LA Fitness. That’s not interesting, you might say. Well shush. And listen. Unusually, her endorsement contract is on a profit-sharing basis, meaning the income she receives is in direct correlation with the gym’s success. The crux of this: you pump iron, Alesha Dixon wears longer dresses.

Less pumpy, more short-dressy