The French are an odd bunch, aren’t they? In between scoffing snails (protip: if you’ve never eaten snails, they taste like slimy hedges) and jamming so much food in a goose that it literally dies then eating the delicious bloated liver, they take some pretty weird pictures of ladies.

Weird pictures of ladies like the gorgeous Alessandra Ambrosio, who recently celebrated her 30th birthday with a cake and a bevy of bikini girls. These pictures come from the typically French Revue De Modes, which apparently comes out once every whenever they can be bothered and has pictures of sharp, upset-looking women in impractical clothing.

Alessandra, pull your skirt down love, you're all over the place

Here is an example of said women. Scary, aren’t they? Sure, “scarily beautiful” maybe, but we’re sticking with the emphasis on the scary rather than the beautiful. Most of them look like they’d shiv you with their cheekbones.

Luckily for us, this edition also had pictures of non-sharp-looking Alessandra wearing some clothes that are at least physically possible to wear off the catwalk. She looks great! She also looks shiny and a bit weird, which is hardly fair.

Also a little bit like Megan Fox, which we like

Have they laminated her, or what? What’s going on?  Alessandra is one of the best-looking women in the world, as her shoot with GQ illustrated. Why have they got to mess around with all sorts of daft photoshop effects and industrial varnish?

Even through the layers of protective gloss, she’s still beautiful, so we’ll forgive them this time. Don’t push your luck, though, France. We’ve got our eye on you.

More pictures at Senor Zorro.