Alexa Chung is single at last. It’s taken her a good four years, but she’s finally realised that Arctic Monkeys mophead Alex Turner looks a little bit too much like he could be her twin sister to ever be sexually attractive. So grab yourself a breathmint folks because she’s moving out of her LA flat, which may well mean she’s headed back across the pond.

For those of you that aren’t familiar, Alexa Chung is one of those girls at school who had knobbly knees and a wonky fringe and we’re just speculating here but we reckon she definitely played some sort of wind instrument.


Recorder, maybe. Or a flute. What's the bloody difference, anyway?

Then Bam! A few years later and she’s only stomping down the bloody catwalk like a beautiful gazelle right past all the chicks from school who’ve cut themselves a ‘bang on trend’ wonky fringe.

Good old Alexa was the original Saturday morning hottie on T4. She held your hand and led you through a gently sarcastic passage right out of your hangover. The thing is, even though Alexa Chung has really lovely knees and face and all the other stuff, she doesn’t really believe she’s a megababe, which makes her the holy grail of girl.

And unlike most famous-for-hardly any-reason people who hang out in East London she is a flaming hoot. One of the many fantastic things about Alexa Chung is that she once hurled a piss-bomb at Panic! At The Disco.

She’s generally pretty brilliant at ripping the Michael out of megastars including Paul McCartney, Gwen Stefani and Justin Beebs.

While she may not be queuing up to dutty whine in a Sean Paul video any time soon, but what she lacks in junk in her trunk she makes up for in wit, beauty and exceptionally good legs.

Did we mention she was young, single and ready to mingle? Think about when we do finally snare her in our love trap with our very fresh breath. Then Alex Turner will be so jealous he’ll beg us to be bessies forevs. Then we will all don matching tight and stripey clothes and stride about being trendy and brilliant. We will happily let Chung mercilessly mock us. Sod it, we’ll even let her chuck a piss-bomb at us.