Well, actually, Alicia Keys is 'Keeping the Child Alive', which is largely the same thing. Luckily for us, she looked as good as ever while she was doing it.

You’ll notice that in these pictures, Alicia isn’t actually keeping 'the child' alive at all. She’s posing for the cameras in a nice dress and smiling. It’s not like she’s working in a children’s ER, or anything, or bringing food and medical supplies to the child.

Alicia Keys at the Keep The Child Alive Black Ball 2011
Or, you know, defending the child from tigers

Who is this child, anyway? Why are they so important to get a benefit 'Black Ball' in their honour? And what is a 'black ball', anyway, aside from what happens to sheep when you put an elastic band round their knackers? This story is raising more questions than it answers.

We can assume that the black ball is a formal dance done in only black clothing, which is a start. Plus, a short period of research has clued us into the fact that the titular child doesn’t actually exist. 

Before you start calling the authorities and saying that all these people are raising money and awareness for a child that doesn’t even exist, slow down a second. It’s a metaphorical child, representative of a load of others, who are sadly suffering from AIDS.

Alicia Keys at the Keep The Child Alive Black Ball 2011
Oh, also, Alicia Keys. We quite fancy her

Which is a bit of a gyp, really. We don’t reckon you need a fancy black ball to save metaphorical children. You could probably do it with imaginary helicopters carrying make-believe aid packages and dream food.

It’d be a lot cheaper, certainly. But then we wouldn’t get to see pictures of the beautiful Alicia Keys and have to make do with her performing at imaginary benefit gigs instead, which is only about half as good.