Big Brother, like vampires, zombies, Sir Patrick Moore and our Lord Cthulhu who dwells under the sea in the immortal city of R’lyeh, just refuses to stay dead. And Amy Childs, star of The Only Way is Essex and owner and curator of a fantastic pair of breasts, is helping bring it back to life as it coughs up blood and teeth onto the ambulance floor.

Channel 5, as you’ll have no doubt noticed as you tune into old episodes of Castle, are bringing back Big Brother. We’re sad about that. Sure, we watched it back in the day – at first, it was exciting and new. 

Then, as the years wore on, we’d tune in to watch the 24-hour feed on digital telly out of a curious mixture of boredom and irony – wondering, often aloud, as to who exactly was supposed to be watching a bedroom full of unconscious people on the off chance that one of them would have mumbly under-the-covers sex with one of the others.

Amy Childs is set to appear in the new Big Brother series
It happened once. Possibly

Of course, we were the audience. But by the time the final series of Big Brother on Channel 4 rolled around, we breathed a sigh of relief. It was becoming hard to sustain the appropriate levels of raw liquid disdain for the mixture of mouth-breathers, attention-seekers and psychopaths that the show had become populated with, so the cancellation was undoubtedly good news.

And now this. Channel 5 have resurrected Celebrity Big Brother, and there are some pretty exciting rumours about who’s going to be in it according to the Daily Star. In addition to Amy and her remarkable assets, she’s to be joined by – and these are rumours, by the way, pretty solid rumours mind – Charlie Sheen, Pamela Anderson, The Duchess of York, and Jedward.

Oh, and Kerry Katona’s in it too. If she can get time off from Iceland or whatever.