Don't pretend you've never done it. We all have. Maybe you were walking home at night and there was no-one else around. Maybe you'd forgotten to get something from the living room after going to bed, and you're picking through the darkness in your pants.We've all done the Batman voice, and now that “we” includes Anne Hathaway, as she accepted the award for 'Most Anticipated Film' at the Spike TV Scream awards in what might possibly the most American ceremony we've ever seen.
The Batman voice is an easy one to do – you just make your voice ridiculously deep and witter on about justice and play everything straight, all the time. “I'm the Batman,” you say, imagining your cape flaring out behind you and maybe, if you're wearing a longish coat, flaring it out a little bit for effect. Wait, that wasn't deep enough. That sounded more like Russell Crowe off Gladiator. You go deeper, let the back of your throat do all the hard work.
Anne also broke into a rendition of I Just Gotta Be Me in the Batman voice
“I'm the Batman. Yeah. I'm the goddamn Batman, and I'm here to save this city.”
Perfect. You sound like you've just been punched in the throat and are trying to carry off wearing a daft costume with big ears on it as if it ain't no thing, which is probably pretty close to how Batman spends all his time anyway. If you had a bat-grappling hook, you'd be up on that chimney in no time. Sure, Streatham isn't quite the hotbed of colourful violence that Gotham city is, but by God you'd clean it up. But not with a dustpan and brush. With your fists.
Then, inevitably, someone walks past (if you're outside) or you step on the cat (if you're inside) and you shut up all of a sudden and feel embarrassed. Surely it's only crazy people who talk to themselves and wander around imagining that they're Batman, right?
Don't worry. We all do it. You don't have to feel bad. He's the fucking Batman. If you don't want to be him – to the extent you try doing his voice occasionally and maybe scope out prospective spots from which to swoop into the midst of some thugs – then you probably need to get your head examined.