The selfish, cynical part of us quite likes it when Kelly Brook is single. All the more chance of her becoming our new girlfriend, we think. Shut up, you. It could happen.
We could bump into her in Sainsbury’s on one of those rare but wonderful days when our hair looks alright and we’ve remembered to wear trousers. We both reach for the last Sloppy Giuseppe and our eyes meet across some 2-for-1 garlic bread. Garlic bread isn’t the future – Kelly Brook is. Before you know it, we're tearing and sharing while watching the X Factor back at her pad (ours was a no-go; twas laundry day).
We'll be all over the papers, getting snapped taking leisurely strolls through wintry parks and sharing a nice warming hot chocolate - marshmallows? Oh go on then, Kezza.
But, completely nonsensical fantasy aside, we do feel a bit ashamed taking that view of K-Bro’s singledom. Surely someone as lovely and pretty and generally fantastic as the Brookmeister deserves to find love?
It seems like British man of rap Dizzee Rascal agrees and fancies a bit of doughy garlic love with Kelly. He was caught cracking onto her at the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Woman Awards 2010 last night. Imagine Dizzee Rascal giving a woman 'the churpsy churps':
"Yo girl, you is well fly, yo,
When I look at you, you make me wanna go,
To the aquarium, to the aquarium with you,
I like the aquarium, particularly the seals"
What woman could resist?
We won't say we're overly enamored with the idea of this romantic partnership, for the selfish reasons outlined previously. But, if Kelly Brook is going to get a new man, we'd like it to be someone cool, like Diz.
Wait, what's this? Kelly Brook left the awards with Jack Whitehall? Oh, Diz, we're sorry man. We'll see you at the aquarium.
Alright, Murs, you can come too.