D’you know how much time we’ve spent admiring Mila Kunis? We don’t, but it’s a lot. We’ve expended countless hours poring over pictures of her, writing stories about her, even comparing her favourably to cheese and biscuits, all without a word of thanks.
That’s fine, we figured. We were doing it all without hope or agenda, after all. Perhaps we dreamt that one day she might chance upon one of our articles and let out a contented “Aww, isn’t that lovely - little old me better than cheese and biscuits,” but we weren’t expecting her to accompany us to a swanky ball or anything.
And then what happens?
Some army bloke makes a 19-second video asking her to accompany him to some ball.
US Marine Sergeant Scott Moore of the 3rd Battalion 2nd Marines in Musa Qala, Afghanistan - to be precise - got one of his squaddie pals to record a brief video of him asking Mila Kunis to be his date to the Marine Corps Ball in Greenville, North Carolina on November 18.
What. A. Cheek.
Nice try, pal, but we think it's going to take a bit more than that to bag a date with the veritable bundle of brunette hotness that is Mila M-Kun Kunis.
Ah, it appears she said yes.
SHE SAID YES.
This is seriously not cool. This is like when you're in little school and you've got a crush on that girl with the freckles so you spend months and months putting in the groundwork, letting her ride the tricycle even though it's technically your turn, swapping your jam sandwiches for her spam ones while pretending you "like spam just as much" even though everyone knows that jam is wayyyy better than spam, only for some other kid to swoop in at the last minute, nonchalantly ask her out and for her to say "yeah, sure".
So you just stand there, the wheels on the hastily discarded fallen tricycle still spinning, the bitter taste of rejection (it tastes a lot like spam, actually) in your mouth.
This is just like that.