Bloody hell, Ashley Greene, have you been to the gym AGAIN?

Barely a day goes by without the Twilight-temptress popping up in some figure-hugging spandex on her way to or from the sweat factory.

She’s starting to make us feel bad.

We'd had five slices of Pizza Hut before the clock had even struck noon today. One of them had toppings we don't even like. Then, just as our feelings of foody self-hate were at their worst, three boxes of Krispy Kremes turned up. There were four varieties. How many do you think we tried? Yes, four. Despite the fact we already knew full well that we hated coffee.

Watch where you're going Ashley Greene. That Beemer's about to mow you down. You won't be half-smiling half-grimacing then, will you?

We can’t even get our Fitness First card out of our wallet anymore. Partly because it’s been tucked in it’s cosy little leather slot for so long it’s become stuck. (Spilling a pint of sticky warm cider over it didn’t help).

And partly because we’d be too embarrassed to show our face in the gym. We know that the little screen they look at when they swipe your card contains only two pieces of information: 1 – a picture of you when you joined. Yes, you’re fatter now. And, 2 – a record of your visits, which, in the last six months, have been less frequent than Mel Gibson’s appearances at G-A-Y.

Good work avoiding that dirty-looking puddley-patch, Ashley Greene. But you're walking in front of oncoming traffic again. Will you never learn?

Looking at Ashley’s toned bod, it appears she’s one of those girls that really gives it the beans when she’s in the gym. Not one of those lardy women that sit on the bike – not even a proper bike, one of the lame bikes where you sit right back like it's an armchair with a poofy  – reading a copy of Closer and talking to an equally plumpous (not a word but should be) chum about some inane drivel that would be considered ‘heated debate’ on Loose Women.

Keep up the good work, Ash. If you've got it, flaunt it - so they say. So we'll flaunt it for you: