Splice the mainbrace! Hoist the topsail! Roger the cabin boy! And other piratey phrases! Penelope Cruz is in the new Pirates of the Caribbean film, which is clunkily subtitled On Stranger Tides. She looked pretty gorgeous at the premier, so we thought you might appreciate taking a look at her.

Also, Vanessa Hudgens was there and happened to bring her fantastic legs with her, so why take a look at her too, if you’d like. If you’d rather not (and why not, what’s wrong with you?) then we guess you could always cover your eyes whenever pictures of her crop up. Weirdo.

Cover your eyes!

On Stranger Tides is a curious orange, as it’s loosely based on a book rather than being loosely based on a theme park ride like the previous three films. Despite the trilogy reaching a conclusion at the end of At World’s End, Jack Sparrow rocks up again in a quest to discover the fountain of youth as he vaguely follows the plot of 1987 novel called, aptly, On Stranger Tides

It’s all getting a bit League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in here, isn’t it? We think that Disney are being a bit predictable in only putting Jack Sparrow into pirate books. They should have put him in Jane Eyre. Or Great Expectations.

Or any other boring book that they made us read when we were fifteen and only really bothered about playing computer games and trying unsuccessfully to get off with girls.

Penelope Cruz looks sexy at the premiere for Prirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Fun fact: Penelope Cruz' dress is actually a flock of haunted ravens

Come to think of it, we haven’t moved on a great deal.

Anyway, stuff Penelope Cruz, the real Pirate-Movie-Themed-News this week is the announcement that Ardman animations are doing an adaptation of the mind-garglingly wonderful Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists. Starring Hugh Grant (amongst others), the film is due to come out in 2012.

Vanessa Hudgens looks sexy at the premiere for Prirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Here are those legs we promised you. Well. One of those legs. You'll have to imagine the other one

Bah. That’s far too long. Until then, we’ll just have to make do with On Stranger Tides and pretend that the entire thing is done in claymation. It works if you squint, trust us.