The only bad thing about Bar Refaeli, is the fact we constantly spell her name wrong. Other than that, the 25-year-ol Israeli model is damn near perfect, as proven in this glamorous new photo shoot for VS magazine. It’s black and white, she’s smoky eyed and she’s wearing pants and arching her back like a cat that’s woken from an afternoon nap in a sun beam. We’ve had a total of four cat’s in our life. The first two were a right pair. A staunch tabby that went by the name of Bismark, named after the 1st chancellor of the German Empire, Otto Eduard Leopold von Bismark (our mum was a history teacher). The second cat was a barrel chested yeoman of a cat, a ginger rock to his best friend Bismark. He was called Pig, because he once opened the fridge door and ate a whole chicken when everyone was out.

Eventually, that cruel mistress that is time took Bis and Pig to the great sunspot in the sky. We left it a mandatory few months and then got a new pair. This time from the same litter, they were blood brothers through and through. One ginger, one tabby (their mother was a tortoise shell of dubious morals, some even levelled accusations of sluttery at her. The father? Absent) the pair were thick as thieves and went by the names Jasper and Angus. The fought like brothers and they loved like brothers, but they would never fail to come together to defend their garden, especially that spot by the back wall where they liked to do their business. One time, at school, an evil girl who will remain nameless called our cats ‘common.’ She had some kind of ratty little show dog that looked like a gay mop. In a pique of rage we created false certificates of show for the pair, complete with wax seal and coffee stained paper. The cat’s show names became Jasperio 5th Emperor of Bergundy and Anglepoise Lord Luton the Third, it was a moral victory as their dubious lineage precluded them from competing in competition. The pair lived long and happy lives, but in the end they both succumbed to an over active thyroid gland within the same year, first Angus, then his brother. They died as they had lived, with love in their hearts and some low-grade meat in their belly’s. A memorial is erected to them in the form of two pictures stuck to the fridge. Sleep well sweet princes.