So it turns out, according to a not-tremendously scientific questionnaire we carried out last week, Beyoncé is the sexiest woman in the world – according to other women. In that case, this one’s for you girls. Also, however, it’s for the guys too. Really it’s for anyone who clicked on the “read more” button. We’re equal-opportunities like that.
These promo shots are for Beyoncé's new single Countdown, which she’s releasing soon. On account of them being rather sexy, we figured we’d share them with you. Sadly the song has nothing to do with a random assortment of letters and numbers, or dear departed Richard Whiteley, or even Carol Vorderman.
Richard Whiteley was an incredible arse. And while we're on that subject
In fact, having listened to it several times (try it yourself here, if you’re interested) we can’t even detect a hint of that classic countdown music. It’s almost as though the song is about something else entirely. Let’s take a look at the chorus:
“My baby is a ten
We dressing to the nines
He pick me up in eight
Make me feel so lucky seven
He kiss me in his six
We be making love in five
Still the one I go to four
I'm trying to make us three
From that two
He still the one”
Maybe writing about a popular mid-afternoon treat for the elderly and unemployed would have been better. We’re with you up until the end of the second line – that’s some pretty neat wordplay there.
We can even maybe go along with the idea that he’s picking you up in eight minutes (although that’s weirdly exact of Jay-Z, we’d figure him to be more laid back than that) and we can just – and only ‘cause we like you, Beyoncé – just go along with the fact that he makes you feel so Lucky seven. ‘Cause Lucky Seven is sort of a thing that exists.
Beyonce's trousers don't make sense
“He kiss me in his 6,” though? And how can you make love in “five” if he’s not picking you up for the next eight minutes? Presumably some sort of sexting, which as we all know, is illegal whilst driving which Jay-Z surely is.
It breaks down further from there: he’s the one you go to “four” what? You’re trying to make you “three?” We’re either talking pregnancy or a threesome, and we know which we’d prefer right now. Assuming it’s with another girl, obviously. You don’t want to make eye contact with another chap during. There’s awkward, and there’s awkward.
Plus the song itself sounds like several different bands are crashing into each other and Ms Knowles is stood at the centre like a deranged traffic conductor, grinning maniacally amidst the chaos. At least you can dance to it, though, in a sort of frenetic Beyoncé way. So it’s not all bad.