Since basically forever, Beyoncé’s dad has been in charge of his daughter’s career – but yesterday Beyoncé announced that she’s no longer interested in having him as her manager.

It’s a little-known fact that Destiny’s Child, Beyoncé's previous group was actually a complex and brutal reality TV experiment that never made it to camera. Although Wikipedia claims that Destiny’s Child was formed with four members in 1997 under the name Girl’s Tyme, sources close to Beyoncé have uncovered that the group initially comprised of over three hundred applicants.

These were gradually whittled down through a series of gruelling challenges (often written off as “dance numbers” or “album recording sessions”), and the losers were hunted down in single combat by the winners in an attempt to create the perfect R&B songstress or the “Child of Destiny,” as it is written.

It’s a lot like Highlander, but for snappy pop music rather than immortality and dodgy Scottish accents.


There can be ONLY ONE

In the year 2001, the three surviving members of the group engaged in a bitter psychic war with other resulting in the album Survivor. Indeed, the lyrics “I’m a survivor/I’m not gonna stop” are testament to their struggle to reach this late part of the contest.

Beyoncé finally overpowered and destroyed Kelly Rowland and Michelle Reynolds in 2005, absorbing their musical abilities and becoming the princess of R&B. Any material released from the two deceased members following that date is in fact clever digital manipulation of old recordings and the talented vocal stylings of impressionist John Culshaw.

But after her father has guided her through all this, Beyoncé has decided to part ways with him “on a business level.” She’s “grateful” for the role that he’s had in her career (although clearly not quite grateful enough) and is now looking to hire alternate management and continue her domination of the pop charts.

The precise reasons for her splitting from her father are unclear, but it’s rumoured that she had set her sights on the destruction of Mary J Blige and he was afraid to commit to such a rash choice of action.