Secret Diary of a Call Girl is out next week, and here are some snapshots of the gently spoken sex bomb that is Billie Piper donning the judge’s wig for her last season as Belle the high-class prostitute.


if you mention my Honey To the Bee one more time...

In case you were worried, this programme is fine to watch with your girlfriend because she may be sexy, but she’s still a prostitute ergo she's sexy (not true). Obviously we are only watching for research purposes you know, about the sex trade, but we think you’ll silently applaud along with us her bold rejection of clothes in favour of more imaginative dress.



Piper hasn’t always been such an archetypal sex symbol however. If you require any evidence for proving the case that Billie Piper was not always the coolest kid in town then look no further than this video.

Even when we were just little sproggets in short trousers we didn’t really get the whole morph thing and the ginger cartoon dancing. Some amateur graphics guy obviously got his hands on that video and thought ‘fuck it,! I am gonna show them what I can do.’ ‘What you don’t think I can animate? Well maybe I’ll do a cartoon rhino… in a tux… working as a bouncer. See how you like them apples.’


Nice treads

As if to bolster the shame of the fact that Billie Piper clearly has no natural aptitude for singing, they bung her in a purple silk suit and make her street dance next to a bunch of cartoons and force her to be almost frighteningly cheerful. Would you believe fizzy pop princess with the dodgy barnet would blossom into our favourite prostitute on telly? We do miss those dance moves though. Especially the pecking hen.